A SEASON OF CRUSHING

We all go through seasons of blessings, joy, loss and grief. Here is my season of loss and grief in real time. It won’t be a fun read. But it’s my experience none the less.

Home: Welcome

Ernest Hemingway

“Write hard and clear about what hurts.”

Home: Quote

Dear Alba

Alba, I feel a little silly writing to you because I don’t see this as a means to feel closer to you on your first Heaven day. I ask...

Gabriela Horr

Sep 15, 20222 min read

8.26.22 - 9.6.22

8.28.22 It’s been months of me postponing the journey to begin healing my body physically. To either update or catch you up, I am STILL...

Gabriela Horr

Sep 6, 20227 min read

6.28.22 - 8.26.22

6.28.22 We have a weird week. A good week. A really social week. We have 2 double dates planned and then a worship night out with...

Gabriela Horr

Aug 26, 202215 min read

6.19.22 - 6.24.22

6.19.22 Today is father’s day. While today was good, really good and relaxed, Kyle still struggled with the same acknowledgement that I...

Gabriela Horr

Jun 27, 20226 min read

5.26.2022 - 6.17.2022

5.26.22 My life is a wild ride. I run into some amazing people now and I am so blessed by them. But I also run into some weirdos ha. Kyle...

Gabriela Horr

Jun 17, 20228 min read

4.21.22 - 5.18.22

4.21.22 Last night our therapist really blew my mind with one simple question in response to my explanation that I feel torn by having...

Gabriela Horr

May 25, 202211 min read

4.13.22 - 4.20.22

4.13.22 April 27th of last year I said a really scary prayer. A prayer that I knew would require a lot of me. A lot of growing, learning,...

Gabriela Horr

Apr 20, 20227 min read

3.19.22 - 4.12.22

3.19.2022 I am happy today. These days I feel joyful and ready to tackle the day. I’m happy to clean the house, do some laundry, keep up...

Gabriela Horr

Apr 12, 202210 min read

HSG Test

3.17.2022 This is a trauma response. I’m ok. I’m ok. This is just trauma being triggered. I don’t think I’m ok. Today I’m getting my HSG...

Gabriela Horr

Mar 17, 20223 min read

3.11.2022 - 3.16.2022

3.11.22 I've noticed that I haven't been taking very good care of myself recently. I can't pinpoint when it started but gradually I began...

Gabriela Horr

Mar 16, 20227 min read

3.7.2022 - 3.8.2022

3.7.2022 I stood with one foot out in the aisle and one foot planted back by the safety of my seat. “I will never force you to follow...

Gabriela Horr

Mar 8, 20227 min read

2.18.2022 - 2.19.2022

2.18.2022 Kyle and I have been together for 11 years. Woah. At 29 years old, going on 30 that’s really cool to think about. In this hurt...

Gabriela Horr

Feb 19, 20224 min read

2.8.2022 - 2.16.2022

2.8.2022 I STILL sit here in awe that I am able to have such a beautiful baby boy sleep on my chest tonight while also grieving the loss...

Gabriela Horr

Feb 16, 20228 min read

Zion Trip

2.6.22 This morning I looked out at the vastness of canyon that our God created. “What do you want me to know in my sadness right now...

Gabriela Horr

Feb 6, 202214 min read

1.24.22 - 2.2.22

1.24.2022 We have had Xavier for one whole month. Our days in his NICU seem like forever ago already…which is weird because our time with...

Gabriela Horr

Feb 6, 20226 min read

1.4.2022 - 1.20.2022

1.4.21 Today was an emotional day. Ugh. I began my day deprived of sleep from the 4am and 7am feed and actually got myself ready which...

Gabriela Horr

Jan 27, 20227 min read

12.22.2021 - The Good News. Please Read.

1.22.2022 What if my happiness is an insult to Alba’s memory? What if there is zero honor for Alba’s life by my being happy for Zay’s? In...

Gabriela Horr

Jan 23, 20222 min read

Finding out about a baby

(these random entries are over the course of 1 month back in Nov 21’-Dec 21’) Last week it was confirmed to me by my caseworker that Cami...

Gabriela Horr

Jan 21, 20225 min read

The Initial Days of Grief

Kyle and I left the hospital and headed directly to the hotel I had booked for us to begin the initial steps of dumping our grief. I...

Gabriela Horr

Jan 6, 20228 min read

First post of 2022. 1.1.22

1.1.22 The ADD in me has me extra motivated, inspired, hopeful, and ecstatic for the new year. I angst to begin new bible studies, start...

Gabriela Horr

Jan 1, 20223 min read