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A SEASON OF CRUSHING


We all go through seasons of blessings, joy, loss and grief. Here is my season of loss and grief in real time. It won’t be a fun read. But it’s my experience none the less.

 
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Ernest Hemingway

“Write hard and clear about what hurts.”

 
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6.19.22 - 6.24.22

6.19.22 Today is father’s day. While today was good, really good and relaxed, Kyle still struggled with the same acknowledgement that I...

5.26.2022 - 6.17.2022

5.26.22 My life is a wild ride. I run into some amazing people now and I am so blessed by them. But I also run into some weirdos ha. Kyle...

4.21.22 - 5.18.22

4.21.22 Last night our therapist really blew my mind with one simple question in response to my explanation that I feel torn by having...

4.13.22 - 4.20.22

4.13.22 April 27th of last year I said a really scary prayer. A prayer that I knew would require a lot of me. A lot of growing, learning,...

3.19.22 - 4.12.22

3.19.2022 I am happy today. These days I feel joyful and ready to tackle the day. I’m happy to clean the house, do some laundry, keep up...

HSG Test

3.17.2022 This is a trauma response. I’m ok. I’m ok. This is just trauma being triggered. I don’t think I’m ok. Today I’m getting my HSG...

3.11.2022 - 3.16.2022

3.11.22 I've noticed that I haven't been taking very good care of myself recently. I can't pinpoint when it started but gradually I began...

3.7.2022 - 3.8.2022

3.7.2022 I stood with one foot out in the aisle and one foot planted back by the safety of my seat. “I will never force you to follow...

2.18.2022 - 2.19.2022

2.18.2022 Kyle and I have been together for 11 years. Woah. At 29 years old, going on 30 that’s really cool to think about. In this hurt...

2.8.2022 - 2.16.2022

2.8.2022 I STILL sit here in awe that I am able to have such a beautiful baby boy sleep on my chest tonight while also grieving the loss...

Zion Trip

2.6.22 This morning I looked out at the vastness of canyon that our God created. “What do you want me to know in my sadness right now...

1.24.22 - 2.2.22

1.24.2022 We have had Xavier for one whole month. Our days in his NICU seem like forever ago already…which is weird because our time with...

1.4.2022 - 1.20.2022

1.4.21 Today was an emotional day. Ugh. I began my day deprived of sleep from the 4am and 7am feed and actually got myself ready which...

12.22.2021 - The Good News. Please Read.

1.22.2022 What if my happiness is an insult to Alba’s memory? What if there is zero honor for Alba’s life by my being happy for Zay’s? In...

Finding out about a baby

(these random entries are over the course of 1 month back in Nov 21’-Dec 21’) Last week it was confirmed to me by my caseworker that Cami...

The Initial Days of Grief

Kyle and I left the hospital and headed directly to the hotel I had booked for us to begin the initial steps of dumping our grief. I...

First post of 2022. 1.1.22

1.1.22 The ADD in me has me extra motivated, inspired, hopeful, and ecstatic for the new year. I angst to begin new bible studies, start...

Last post of 2021.

12.23.2021 I have PTSD. I knew this when I got a simple cold from my kids a couple weeks ago and was hit with emotions of grief like in...

12.16.21 - 12.21.21

12.16.21 I catch myself being caught up in the excitement, the thrill of a new journey, a new chapter….a new baby. Everything and...

12.8.2021 - 12.13.2021

12.8.21 My day was an unexpected rollercoaster. I only just sat down to get my nails done when I received a phone call from my foster...

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