A SEASON OF CRUSHING

12.23.2021 I have PTSD. I knew this when I got a simple cold from my kids a couple weeks ago and was hit with emotions of grief like in...

12.16.21 I catch myself being caught up in the excitement, the thrill of a new journey, a new chapter….a new baby. Everything and...

12.8.21 My day was an unexpected rollercoaster. I only just sat down to get my nails done when I received a phone call from my foster...

This is going to take me a long time to get out. I’ve been dragging my feet on starting this journey of sharing my birth story. Birth...

11.24.2021 Yesterday was Danielle’s birthday and while the date was remembered, of course, I was unphased. Not in an insensitive way but...

11.11.21 ——- 11.16.21 I haven’t been writing much as you can see above. I dated it, but left my iPad for days because I didn’t want to...

11.5.21 I’m not sure what it is that’s making me inconsolable tonight. Outside of the obvious, it seems that at least once a week that I...

10.28.21 Am I too dependent on this blog as a means to cope that I’m sitting here in a restaurant typing my feelings while Kyle uses the...

10.27.21 My first days of grief are briefly written out in my notes app. As I was suffocating in my heartache in our hotel room, it felt...

10.26.21 I have a lot to get out today so bare with me. I’m currently in our dining room converted to a playroom that I absolutely...

10.19.21 I have yet to really dive into my first 2 weeks of grief here. It was such a painful (emotionally AND physically) experience...

10.15.21 Grief thoughts: I see other moms talk about loving their bodies because they birthed a human and they are so strong. I feel...

10.12.2021 Thought of the day: Do the feelings of grief plateau at a certain point? When do you reach such a point that you literally...

10.6.2021 I’ve had a welcoming relief of peace this morning. These moments are hard to explain because I still know the pain is there but...

It took me a minute to realize I was already crying when I woke up this morning. Sleep is hard for me but when it finally comes it is...

Today is an hour by hour kind of day. I just focus on what is directly in front of me at the moment whether that be preparing a snack for...